Making You Laugh

The Daily Bread
The president of Coca-Cola walks into the Vatican City and asks
to see the Pope. Once in audience with the pope he says, "Father
if I gave you one million dollars, next time you lead the
prayers at mass, would you say, 'Give us this day our daily
Coca-Cola?'" "No," says the Pope, "I couldn't possibly do that."

The next day the President of Coca-Cola comes back and says,
"I'll pay you two million dollars to say in prayer, 'Give us
this day our daily Coca-Cola.'" The pope says, "No I couldn't
poss..." "Three million," the president inturupts. "No I will
not do it." "Ok. Ok." says the president of Coca-Cola, "But I
can't imagine what the bakeries must be paying you."

The Golf Game
One beautiful Saturday afternoon a priest and a man are golfing.

The priest tees-off first making a beautiful shot on the
fairway. Next the man hits and his shot crashes into the water
trap. "God-damn it I missed!" the man exclaims in anger.

"Be careful or God will strike you with a lightning bolt," the
priest replies.

One the next tee the priest makes a nice shot onto the green
while the man's lands in the sand. "God-damn it I missed!"

"Be careful or God will strike you with a lightning bolt," the
priest says.

Next hole the priest gets the play within range for an eagle
put. The man shots and again it flys into the water. "God-damn
it I missed!" as the man said this the sky clouded over. All of
a sudden a lightning bolt came down and hit the priest.

The man looked up to hear, "God-damn it I missed!"

Who is that man?
A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his
mother, "Who is this guy on the beach with you, with all the
muscles and curly hair?" "That's your father," said the mother.
The boy seemed astonished as he said to his mom, "Then who's
that old baldheaded fat man that lives with us now?"

3 Criminals
Three not-so-bright men were caught and charged with armed-robbery in a
small Mexican pueblo. They went to trial before the local judge, who was a
very hard man, and he sentenced all three men to death. The day arrived
quickly and the executioner(who was also the judge) ordered all three to
the execution chamber. "The guard will bring you in one at a time to meet
your fate. But to show you that I am not a cruel man, I will give each one
of you the choice to die by the electric chair, or to die in the gas
chamber."
The guard escorts the first man into the chamber. "Which will it
be", demands the executioner, "the chair or the chamber?" The first man
thinks a second then decides the chair would be a quicker death. He's
strapped in, and the switch is thrown. Nothing. The executioner flips the
switch several times more, cleans the contacts, and tries again. Still
nothing. "Today is your lucky day. Fate wants you spared, so you are
spared. But you will have to watch your compadres die."

The guard brings in the second man, and he also chooses the electric chair.
They strap him in, and again nothing happens. They spend the next hour checking
everything, and still nothing. "Today is your lucky day. Fate wants you
spared, but you will have to watch you compadre die." The final man is
brought into the chamber, and his compadres whisper loudly to him, "The
chair is broken! The chair is broken!" "Shush!", yells the executioner,
and he demands, "Do you want to die by the electric chair, or the in gas
chamber?!"

The prisoner thinks a second then replies, "Well, since the electric chair
is broken, I guess I'll have to go with the gas chamber!"

zhongwei