JOKES

Hey people! Knowing that the General Paper promotional examination is just round the corner, I shall attempt to speak (or rather, type) in perfect english! With the exception of our dearest everything-is-sian-to-me-and-therefore-i-blog-to-reduce-boredom Zhongwei, and your dearest i-blog-because-i-don't-want-my-friends-to-die-of-stress-or-boredom, Miss Nice (aka me), I expect no one else will spend their precious time on blogging. However, as I've said, I don't want my dear classmates to visit our blog and tear out all their hair in frustration because no one bothered to blog and relieve them of stress. So as always, being the nice girl that I am, I will attempt to be like our class jokers, Zhongwei and Jian Sheng, and blog some nice jokes for you. With a little exception though. My jokes will not leave you shivering in your seat despite the sweltering hot weather we have to endure in Singapore. So, do take a little break from all that studying and find time to laugh! Enjoy~

*Pause* JS is sending me GP essays that he claims I won't understand. You don't know how excited I am! I'll blog the jokes after I am done with the GP essays. Pray that I won't faint after the 'english' overdosage, otherwise, you'll have no jokes! The excitememt is killing me! (Just in case you were wondering, there is ABSOLUTELY NO sarcasm intended, neither is this a joke. So there~)

*Double pause* Before the jokes, I must really compliment this guy who wrote the GP essay I just read. In my opinion, which is totally subjective and unreliable, he has not answered the question to his full potential. However, he has managed to write such a long essay in 1.5 hours! Moreover, he has perfected his use of the english language. Kudos to you!

*Triple pause* As what JS stated, the next essay is really "solid". Really makes me feel so ashamed of my GP. Now I truly know what a professional is like and how people can actually get A1 for their GP! RJC is RJC, the standard is really far off. I'm just a mere student from NYJC. I'm far off, but I still have 1 year to improve myself. We'll never know the real victor till then. =D

Courtesy of JS, he has kindly hoped to include the link to the RJC GP Essays for all our dearest classmates to take a look at.

(In case all of you were wondering again, the 1st essay I mentioned is entitled: " "In war, no one wins." Discuss." and the 2nd is entitled: " 'Reading is a lost art.' Discuss.")

Even after the GP overdose, I still have to be good to what I said, so, here are the jokes for you to enjoy! Pardon me if you have heard them before. =D

Now, for the top of my list:

1. Two man were walking down the street when they stopped in front of a certain something. One man stooped down to take a closer look. "Looks like shit.". The other man went on his knees and sniffed at it. "Smells like shit.". Both stuck their finger into it and put it into their mouths. "Tastes like shit.". Both smiled at each other and exclaimed proudly, "Luckily we didn't step on it!"

2. Gary was in jail. One day, he received a letter from his wife. "I have decided to plant some tapioca in the back garden. When is the best time to plant it? Gary knew that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter, "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I planted all the gold." Two weeks later, he received another letter from his wife. " You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house and dug up the back garden!" Gary wrote another letter: "Now is the best time to plant the tapioca."

3. Guy (as always): Honey, which one do you like better, my perfect body or my beautiful face?
Girl: Your sense of humour. (now we girls know how to answer such questions. *smirks*)

4. When the soldier runs away from battle, he will be shot for cowardice. When the officer runs away from battle, he is ordering a temporary withdrawal. If the general runs away from battle, he is making a strategic re-deployment.

5. A man had fallen between the rails in the Novena MRT station. People were crowding around trying to get him out before the train ran him over, They were all shouting "Give me your hand!" but the man would not reach up. Ah Guan pushed through the crowd and asked the man, "Friend, what is your profession?" "I am an income tax collector, from Revenue House," gasped that man. "In that case, take my hand!" The man immediately grasped Ah Guan's hand and was hauled to safety. Ah Guan turned to the amazed bystanders and said, "You fools! Never ask a tax man to give you anything!"

6. As the consultant slowly came out of the anesthesia after surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?" "There's a big fire across the street," replied the doctor. "We didn't want you to think the operation had been a failure."

7. Ronnie asked his father. "Dad, can you help me with my school work? What is politics?" The father replied, "Well, let me explain. I bring back the cash, so let's call me 'Capitalism'. Your mother is the administrator, so we'll call her the 'Government'. We take care of your needs, so we'll call you 'The People'. We'll call the maid 'The Working Class', and your baby brother we can call 'The Future'. In the middle of the night David woke up and heard his baby brother crying. He checked and found that his brother had soiled his diaper. He went to his parent's room and found his mother sleeping. He called her, but she continued sleeping. He went to the maid's room where he say his father with the maid. Finally he returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next day in school, his teacher asked him, "David, please explain to the class what you understand about politics." "Well, the Working Class is fooling around with Capitalism. The Government is sleeping, and completely ignoring The People. I looked and saw that the Future is full of shit." (What? You are part of the Government? Not happy? SO SUE ME! This is exactly what is happening in Singapore. Sue me for slander? TRY, AND FAIL YOU WILL.)

8. Ah Seng was a clever boy, but he was always talking and never paying attention in class. One day the teacher decided to teach him a lesson by asking him a trick question, "Ah Seng, how do you keep an idiot in suspense?" "I will tell you later, teacher," came Ah Seng's quick reply.

9. John: My boss made the best after dinner speech I've ever heard.
Wife: What was it that he said?
John: Bill please!

10. Moses went alone to the new restaurant and ordered a medium-sized steak. The waiter brought him a huge steak. Moses told all his friends about his meal and invited them to join him there next week. But much to their surprise, the waiter brought them the tiniest steaks they had ever seen. "Hey waiter," Moses said, "last week when i was here, you served me a giant steak, but this week, you're serving us tiny ones." "Well," said the waiter, "last week you were sitting by the window!"

A bonus one for all of you, so that when your sibling irritates you one day, you'll know how to ridicule them.

Elton: I think you are wanted on the phone.
Sibling: Why do you think so?
Elton: The voice said, "Is that you, you stupid idiot?!"

(Tip: Emphasise on the word 'think', and your sibling would most probably ask why. Otherwise, you can just say: I think you are wanted on the phone because the voice said, "Is that you, you stupid idiot?!". Or you can use moron. Or whatever you think better describes your sibling.)

Well, I hope that you people have a good laugh over these jokes. And I hope that 10 is enough for you. In case you were wondering for the 3rd time, all these jokes are typed out, not copied and pasted from somewhere, and I get tired from the typing too, so I can't type like 100 jokes even though I'd love to do that.

Lastly, go read the GP essays and marvel at the language gap between RJC and NYJC students. (Again, NO SARCASM intended--for those who can't appreciate a nice little harmless joke. =D)

加油，加油，加油！

Love you guys lots,
rachie

May I add that if any government people are still sore on that government joke, you guys have ABSOLUTELY no sense of humour at all. And, I'm still waiting for someone to sue me. Whatever, morons.